Son: Dad, can I watch TV?
Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
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4 replies to this topic
#1 OFFLINE
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Posted 17 December 2010 - 03:07 PM
If you come acrost some jokes, post here
Son: Dad, can I watch TV?
Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
Son: Dad, can I watch TV?
Dad: Yes, but don't turn it on.
#2 OFFLINE
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Children show me in their playful smiles the divine in everyone
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Posted 17 December 2010 - 09:55 PM
Heres some i found on this site http://www.101funjokes.com/
Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!
What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
Where did you get those big eyes?
They came with the face.
I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.
The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She vanished last night."
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
"I heard you missed school yesterday."
"Not a bit."
"I gotta 'A' in spelling."
"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."
My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.
There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.
Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture.
Why don't aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Two snowmen are standing in a field. One says to the other : "Funny, I smell carrots too".
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
el-if-i-no
Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.
Why did the fish get kicked out of school?
Cause he was caught with seaweed.
The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
Boys are like parking spaces the good ones are take-in!!!!
What did one ghost say to another?
Do you believe in people?
They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.
Where did you get those big eyes?
They came with the face.
I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.
It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look.
A modern artist is one who throws paint on canvas, wipes it off with a cloth and sells the cloth.
"Has there been any insanity in your family?"
"Yes, doctor. My husband thinks he's the boss."
I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.
"My wife doesn't know what she wants."
"You're lucky. My wife does."
We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.
Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.
The quickest way to make tossed salad is to give fresh vegetables to an 18-month-old child.
"What do use for washing dishes?"
"Oh, I tried many things but found my husband best."
"How is your wife getting along on her reducing diet?"
"Fine. She vanished last night."
"Why don't you give your husband a divorce?"
"What, I have lived with him for ten years and now I should make him happy?"
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had 12 different jobs in four months."
"I heard you missed school yesterday."
"Not a bit."
"I gotta 'A' in spelling."
"You dope! There isn't any 'A' in spelling."
My wife is always talking about a trip to Europe.
I have no objections - I let her talk.
There's one thing good about being poor - its inexpensive.
Summer must be over. My neighbour just returned my lawn furniture.
#3 OFFLINE
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Posted 17 December 2010 - 11:23 PM
some of them are really good
Here's another one
- What do angel says to another angel crossing the street?
- Hi!
Here's another one
- What do angel says to another angel crossing the street?
- Hi!
#4 OFFLINE
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The Phantom of MJackson
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 01:42 PM
What is the gender of the computer?
In a class of Italian, the teacher explains, that the nouns are either male or female,
for example: The door is female (la porta) and the table is male (il tavolo).
Then a student asks:
What is the computer in Italian? Is it Male or Female?
Then the teacher tells them:
We will play a game, you will split in 2 groups, girls and guys, and you will try to find the gender of the word "computer", but you will also need to justify it.
The team of the guys decided that it is definitely a female word (la computer) because:
1.Nobody but their creator can understand the logic under which they function.
2.The language that they use in order to communicate with other computers, is something that nobody else can understand.
3. Even the slightest mistake that you make, is stored for a very long time in their memory and is bugging you for long...
4. As soon as you get to obtain one of your own, you spend half your salary on maintenance and accessories.....
The team of the girls decided that the word computer is definitely male (il computer),because:
1. In case you want to do anything with it you first have to turn it on.
2.They have so much information, but they can’t process it on their own , nor can they make decisions on their own.
3. Supposedly, their role is to assist you resolve problems, but usually they create more problems than they resolve.
4. As soon as you obtain one, you realize that if you waited a little longer, you could easily obtain a much better model!....
In a class of Italian, the teacher explains, that the nouns are either male or female,
for example: The door is female (la porta) and the table is male (il tavolo).
Then a student asks:
What is the computer in Italian? Is it Male or Female?
Then the teacher tells them:
We will play a game, you will split in 2 groups, girls and guys, and you will try to find the gender of the word "computer", but you will also need to justify it.
The team of the guys decided that it is definitely a female word (la computer) because:
1.Nobody but their creator can understand the logic under which they function.
2.The language that they use in order to communicate with other computers, is something that nobody else can understand.
3. Even the slightest mistake that you make, is stored for a very long time in their memory and is bugging you for long...
4. As soon as you get to obtain one of your own, you spend half your salary on maintenance and accessories.....
The team of the girls decided that the word computer is definitely male (il computer),because:
1. In case you want to do anything with it you first have to turn it on.
2.They have so much information, but they can’t process it on their own , nor can they make decisions on their own.
3. Supposedly, their role is to assist you resolve problems, but usually they create more problems than they resolve.
4. As soon as you obtain one, you realize that if you waited a little longer, you could easily obtain a much better model!....
#5 OFFLINE
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The Phantom of MJackson
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 02:23 PM
The castaways and the top-models
4 castaways 20, 30, 40 and 60 years old are on an island very close to another island on which there are 4 gorgeous top-models.
The 20 year old says: - We must immediately get into the water and swim in order to get to the girls!
The 30 year old tells him: - OK, don’t be in so much rush.
The 40 year old suggests: - I am thinking that we should make a boat to go there.
The 60 year old: - Why should we bother? Why should we get into all this trouble? We can see perfectly also from here!!!
4 castaways 20, 30, 40 and 60 years old are on an island very close to another island on which there are 4 gorgeous top-models.
The 20 year old says: - We must immediately get into the water and swim in order to get to the girls!
The 30 year old tells him: - OK, don’t be in so much rush.
The 40 year old suggests: - I am thinking that we should make a boat to go there.
The 60 year old: - Why should we bother? Why should we get into all this trouble? We can see perfectly also from here!!!
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