17 replies to this topic

[Heidi]

An arab at the airport immigration counter:
-Name?
-Abdul al-Rhazib.
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week.
-No, no...I mean male or female?
-Male, female, sometimes even camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, also cow's, sheep, animals in general.
-But isn't that hostile?
-Horse style, doggy style, any style!
-Oh dear!
-No, no! Deer run too fast...


: : : :

[Sharon007]

Thats so funny

What do you think of this one

Country Politics

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

[soap]

Lol

[Heidi]

That was funny Sharon....

:

[Sharon007]

Heres another one it has that ewww factor

M&M's

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

[magic]

Heidi, on Apr 28 2008, 02:53 PM, said:

An arab at the airport immigration counter:
-Name?
-Abdul al-Rhazib.
-Sex?
-Three to five times a week.
-No, no...I mean male or female?
-Male, female, sometimes even camel.
-Holy cow!
-Yes, also cow's, sheep, animals in general.
-But isn't that hostile?
-Horse style, doggy style, any style!
-Oh dear!
-No, no! Deer run too fast...


: : : :

: miss Heidi

sharon007, on Apr 28 2008, 02:57 PM, said:

Thats so funny

What do you think of this one

Country Politics

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.

The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.

The old farmer told him he had buried them.

The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"

The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren''t, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."

SO true :

sharon007, on Apr 28 2008, 06:35 PM, said:

Heres another one it has that ewww factor

M&M's

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.

One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

"Don't worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway," the old man replies. "Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M's."

I knew this one before and EEWWWWWW :

[micha]

how many emos does it take to change a light bulb?






none, they prefer sitting in the dark crying.

Edited by micha, 04 May 2008 - 03:45 AM.

[Sharon007]

Mini Meanie

The golf course was haunted by a malicious, evil leprechaun who exploited the ambitions of the poorer players. He popped up beside one unfortunate man who was participating in a club competition.

"Look," he said, "if you agree never to court a woman, flirt with a girl or marry, I'll help you win."

"Done," shouted the young golfer. The leprechaun was very pleased with conniving ways, and chuckled merrily.

When the golfer was in the clubhouse being praised by the other members, the leprechaun popped up on the shelf of the locker. "Hey," said the little elf, "I have to have your name for my records. What is it?"

"Father Murphy," grinned the golfer as he adjusted his Roman collar. :

[Shannen]

What's brown and sticky?

A stick!

Edited by Shannen, 02 June 2008 - 05:24 PM.

[magic]

Conversation between user and computer while installing video card:

Windows: What do you want?
User: You see, I bought video card, need to install some drivers...
Windows: Do you have a disk?
User: I have.
Windows: What do you need to say?
User: "OK"
Windows: Get lost with your "OK" - can't find the needed files!
User: What do you mean you can't?! It's on the drive.
Windows: What driver?
User: Hard drive, C!
Windows: No such drive.
User: But why it's in DOS then?
Windows: Not my problem.
User: But how can I install drivers?
Windows: Why do you need drivers? You don't have video card!
User: What do you mean!
Windows: I am telling you, you don't have!
User: And isn't there also a audio card?
Window: Nope.
User: What do I have then?
Windows: A prnter.
User: What? I haven't got any printer in my life!
Windows: Well... now you do.
User: And I already was planing to buy it...
Windows: See, what would you do without me?

[Sharon007]

Leeches

What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer?

The leech stops sucking you dry after you're dead.

[Heidi]

THE ULTIMATE ULTIMATUM


A little old lady is walking down the street.
She is dragging two plastic garbage bags with her,
one in each hand.

There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while
a $20 bill goes flying out onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.
"Ma'am, there are $20 bills flying out of that bag."

"Damn!"
says the little old lady.
"I'd better go back and see if I can find 'em.
Thanks for the warning!"

"Well now, not so fast,"
says the cop.
"How did you get all that money?
Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no",
says the little old lady.
"You see, my back yard borders on the parking lot of the football stadium.
Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come
and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!

So...I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper,
and each time someone sticks his pecker through the bushes, I say:
$20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!"
laughs the cop.
"Good luck!
By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well...not all of 'em pays up!"

[magic]

^ my bf loved it when I told it yesterday

I am watching movie right now and the sentense I loved some boy told about homework

"My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out."

andother one

"My Mum says my Dad has brown eyes because he is full of shit."

"My mom and dad are very religious. At night I hear them scream, Jesus!"

[magic]

Today in Hostory tells that Michael was born today

[Phantom]

- Doctor, will I be able to play piano when I get released from the hospital?
- Of course, sir. Why not?
- Weird! Because I've never learnt how to play the piano.

- You'll be taking all the pills I gave you. In the morning the red pill with a glass of water, in the midday the green pill with a glass water, and in the evening the blue pill with a glass of water.
- But what's wrong with me, my doctor?
- You don't drink enough water.

- How much do you want doctor, to take off the bad tooth?
- 60 euros
- 60 euros for a job of few minutes?
- If you want I can take the tooth off extremely slowly.

- Do you have problem making a decision?
- Yes and no, my doctor.

[magic]

I loved the one with the tooth

[magic]

a friend of mine posted this pic few days ago and I LOVE it

[Carrie]

LOL!

I only know Danish jokes, and they loose their meaning when translated